I ONLY WANTED TO HANG A BASKETBALL NET

By Martin Gummert, September 98

Our little daughter, Miki, is now almost four years old and she likes throwing balls in vases saying that this is basketball. After watching the movie Father of the Bride recently I know now that playing basketball with his daughter is essential for a father. Yesterday we therefore bought a small basketball net in Matahari Supermarket for Rp 110.000- (DM 20).

After giving the box containing the net to the cashier I said I would first look for another ball before paying, although a little ball was included in the set. I found a colorful volleyball “made in Japan” which I also added to our shopping basked. When returning to cashier I saw that they had unpacked the box with the basketball net. Usually it gives me the creeps when they unpack things, a standard operating procedure in Indonesia, because usually there is a high chance that they don’t put all items back or that from previous unpacking things are already missing. I recently bought a portable CD video player at Glodok Plaza in Jakarta. This item was also unpacked and “tested” because of course the store has a better quality control team than Philips. Of course the remote control stayed in the store when I left. I could not get back to the store to claim it because the next week it was burned down during the May riots, maybe by another annoyed customer. Who needs a remote for a video CD player anyway? Well, yesterday I thought there is not much chance to mess things up with a simple basketball net. So we had a short look at it, paid and left the store, Miki proudly carrying her new volleyball, which the extremely kind salesperson had inflated with a car pump to make it bounce properly.

When reaching home Miki was getting on my nerves because she claimed that her nice Japanese volleyball was already “kaput”. Japanese things do not get “kaput” so easily I told her and what she means is “kaput” is actually the hole where one inflates the ball. But she insisted and I had to have a closer look. In fact, all-knowing daddy was wrong and the maybe Japanese ball was really “kaput”. The guy in the store had put so much pressure in it that the maybe Japanese leather was peeling off the hopefully Japanese inlet. Who needs a volleyball anyway.

Although it was already 9pm Miki wanted the basketball net installed immediately. I told her that it is already dark outside and that we would install it tomorrow but we would unpack it today. Unpacking went well, not too complicated such device. Out of the box came the net mounted at colorful chipboard and a small crumpled ball – as the salesperson had shown us in the store. Out came also a small screw. ” Oh look, this is also kaput” said Miki. The problem was easily identified since only three instead of four screws were holding the net at the chipboard. “No problem, I just get a screwdriver and a pump to inflate the ball” I told Miki. Inflating the ball was no problem and it actually bounced nicely. Then I tried to fix the screw. The guy who had mounted it initially must have forgotten the universal law of screws: After very tight comes very loose. The thread was gone. Another look at the box showed me that there were actually two hangers included which the customer had to screw on the board as well. Using these hangers the net could easily be hanged at a door. A look on the floor and another shaking of the box made it crystal clear: You can screw up putting a complex device like a basketball net back in the box. Time for little Miki to go to bed. Who needs hangers anyway, we’ll screw the board straight to the wall tomorrow. Before heading to the bedroom I had a brief look at the little basketball that had bounced so nicely, it now had the shape of a pancake.

Next day I checked my screw supply. In my assorted screw boxes there were no screw long enough to go through the thick chipboard and substantially into the wall. So Miki and I saddled the Vespa and headed off to buy screws. After checking three stores we finally bought four screws which were long enough but half as thick as I wanted them to be. The stores also seemed to maintain a poor screw supply. Miki meanwhile was asking her favorite why questions: Why take the Vespa? Why wear a helmet? Why do you need to buy screws? The last one was tricky. What did she mean? Did she really want to know why we need screws or did she want to point out that the whole operation was doomed to fail anyway?

Back at home I got my sophisticated tools, Black & Decker professional drill, electric screw driver, hammer, electric extension cable (bought in Indonesia but German standard) the four screws and four dowels, “fischer style”, also bought in Indonesia but guaranteed 100% copies of Fischer Dübel. An ideal spot for the net was quickly identified. The extension cable laid, a drill selected and the good old B&D plugged in. Shoot, power cut. Wait a minute, why was the radio still playing inside the house? The power cable was quickly identified as source of the problem. Its plug had a loose contact; I therefore cut it off to replace it with a new one. I was wondering whether the three cables would have the same color coding as in Germany, since the plugs were German standard, or whether I would have to open the other end to identify the right way to connect them. However after cutting the cable I quickly realized that that would not be necessary. There were only two thin cables inside, the ground was not connected. Great.